


Hellsungs Are For Losers

by Da_Cheeze



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: And Vox is my Neon Bitch, Angel Dust Being Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Can that be his fandom nickname please?? Come on, Canon-Typical Violence, Chaotic Plot, M/M, Sir Pentious is a cinnamon roll without a doubt, Spanish Vox, Uh yeah thats the gist of this shit show, definitely a comedy, enjoy, nonsensical humor, sir pentious is a tech obsessed idiot, vox is a tech obsessed asshole, what better way to meet than a destructive HellBook mistake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:55:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25496443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Da_Cheeze/pseuds/Da_Cheeze
Summary: Sir Pentious prowled the southern strip of Pentagram City, once more trying to reclaim his glory and bestow himself a force to be reckoned with. But ya know what they say, don't text and drive, which in his case, don't stalk your favorite HellBook user whilst driving an enormous blimp full of firing canons and lasers. Who in Hell even used Hellsung anymore?Angel Dust of course, didn't care to know any of this information as it came out of Snake Shit's panicking mouth, but he unfortunately found himself doing so anyway. At least he was getting the weekend to compensate for the shit show that he had to deal with, all because one snake fell a fanboy to a damn TV...(Credit for this whole prompt/idea goes to: @dust-on-the-radio on tumblr, which thank you for the cool ship idea because this has been fun to write so far. And @Boaboa-tea for pitching in some headcannons as well.)
Relationships: Alastor/Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Sir Pentious/Vox (Hazbin Hotel)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 92





	1. Don't Scroll and Drive

**Author's Note:**

> Me @ me this year: I'm gonna start writing fanfic again but I'm doing it right this time and not juggling multiple stories. One story at a time.  
> Me: *sees prompts and cool ideas* Haha hah eh, yeah about that... 
> 
> Anyways, hope y'all enjoy this shit show. Don't forget to comment and like if ya enjoy. Love ya guys. -Cheeze

Scrolling through HellBook in an array of liking every picture of the neon lit Tv Guy online, rewarded him all the thrill for a perfect night.

Oh, and maybe watching the red fumes as they engulfed the southern wing of Pentagram City did too. Wait, what was he doing again?  
  
Sir Pentious shook his head. "Right. Hell will be mine! And thisss time, there's no presssumptuous whores to ssstop me! But first,- Ooh! Look at this prime magnificence! I’m not sure what this wrist band is but it lightss up and it’s touchssscreen! How wonderful!" He directed one finger to hit the like button on the HellBook post he was reading.

“Boss?”

“Oh, right!” A clawed hand met the lever once more and rewarded a shot of inventive bombs towards a few tall buildings in the area.  
  
"Great shot, boss."  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
Sir Pentious slumped a frown at his egg companions. He promptly ignored them as he continued aiming and firing his way through the area, as well as scrolling HellBook. He just needed to play the right cards and take over the territory he needed, and he would finally redeem himself from the laughable blunder that was three months ago. “That damned Cherri girl and those annoying bombss… Never again.” He hissed beneath a breath. "Just a few more blasts from my deathly death ray and I'll have this territory to call my own!" He pulled three levers, sending heated blasts hurling towards the southern strip and painting the dull scene with glittery fumes of red smoke.

"Ahah hah! Take that for a show Katie Killjoy! This will ssurely makeup for that mess a few months ago. Be prepared for a brilliant news sssegment tonight for I, Sir Pentious will have finally conquered the southern wing of Penta- Impossssible!” He scowled at his phone. “How dare he claim the 9os is sssuperior to the Hellsung Android! Who does he think he is?” He glared down at his own Hellsung phone, lips pursing in thought at the many times he couldn’t understand how to operate it.

“Maybe he iss right…”

"Hey Boss, we're getting pretty close to that building over there."  
  
"Sshut it!" Pentious snapped. "Can't you see that I am busy using this phony contraption of a mobile device?" He spammed three more likes. This LordVoxKillsU had such insightful content with so many gadgets and top of the line electronics being showcased! Maybe Pentious could learn a new ray of ghastly death for his blimp or maybe even how to install those cool music apps that every demon kept talking about. If only he could meet this neon Tv somehow.

Without a second’s notice, his body jolted sideways with the flow of the ship. The music of metal scratching against itself lit the scene.

“What now?” He struggled to balance.

“Boss, look!”

Pentious snapped in the direction of the panicking Egg Bois and now that he gazed out the ship's golden windshield, he realized they were rammed into a building. He scrambled his way towards the control panel and yanked the direction of the ship with a hissing panic.  
  
The building began to crumble as he maneuvered and once the blimp was set sail to a clear path, he saw the destructive fracture that left a mark on one of the most important studios in Hell…

Pentious swallowed down a wave of cold hard fear. Putting the ship on auto pilot, he retreated down to his quarters to scream like a dying walrus.  
  


* * *

"Yeah Al, everything's okay. I promise. Vee just needs me tah finish a set that's-Woah!" Angel lost his balance, falling to the ground and losing his phone somewhere in his dressing room.  
  
The lights in the room sputtered repeatedly as Angel fell and the ground rumbled against him. He heard the screams of demons outside his dressing room. "What the fuck? Is this place fuckin' shaking?"  
  
"Angel? Angel are you all right?" He could hear Alastor's voice from his phone and he spotted the lit screen underneath his dresser. Angel reached for it, holding the phone in one hand and he quickly stood up and went for the door.  
  
"Uhh,” He replied. “Somethin's shakin’ the building up. Hell doesn't have hellquakes, does it?"  
  
"No I don't believe so... What is going on, dear?"  
  
Angel didn't answer. What he saw outside his room had him in awe. The studio harbored a massive hole up between the third and fourth floors, revealing a scraping ship passing by that Angel knew damn too well.  
  
"Angel?"  
  
"Hold on babe. I-I'll call ya back..." Angel hung up the phone and slowly made his way passed all the panicking demons until the chaos was right above him. That was the ship all right, and a shit show of a war was going to break if Sir Snakeshit really hit the studio in attempt to gain territory.  
  
The crack in the building gaped up towards the upper floors. The VIP Lounge was up there and Valentino hadn’t been alone… Angel backed away and with a bolt of speed, he made his way up to Valentino's VIP Lounge.  
  
The building rumbled again and Angel tumbled forward, catching his balance on a railing. "Shit. Better not use the elevator..." He went for the stairs, climbing his way up by the railings rather than running, hell he loved being tall.

Once he crawled his way up the last railing, he could see the worst of the damage. Thanks to the gaping hole in the building, the city lights peered through and lit the scene of crumbled rooms and sparking electric cables, along with a mask of smoky dust. He hopped over a few piles of the disaster and saw Val lying over the ground, red robe tattered and heart-glasses lying broken a few feet away.

And he wasn't moving...  
  
Angel puckered his lips, his pulse racing high in excitement as he smiled at a possible miracle.  
  
Then Valentino groaned and opened two eyes towards him. "An-Angel Cakes..."  
  
“Shit…” Angel pouted under his breath. With a sigh and crossed arms, he trailed over to Valentino, one upper arm shielding his face from the dusty atmosphere. Now that he was this close, he could see Velvet pushing up the sofa that had fallen over her. Vox was nowhere to be seen however.  
  
Angel fixated on the new layout of the shambled building. The VIP Lounge was now an array of tumbled walls and broken furniture. The pink and orange neon lights were dimmed or dead altogether, and the luxurious penthouse windows lost their job thanks to the hole that plundered them down. It looked like a twister hit the place. "Fuck boss, what are we gonna do abo-!" Angel gasped as he was yanked down by one arm, Valentino's face a vicious snarl before him.  
  
"Get me downstairs, now."  
  
Angel rolled his eyes. "Yeah yeah, ya could've just asked."  
  
"Don't pester me right now, Angie. Just get me downstairs."

Angel didn’t bother to argue, even if Valentino was lucky that Angel had gone up to check on the crew to begin with. He got to work in helping the man to his feet, leaning his body against his own as they headed on.  
  
"What are ya gonna do, boss?"  
  
"Track that pretentious, shit head snake down with my hellhounds."  
  
"Ah, so you know it was him?"  
  
"Saw the ship. He's a fuckin' damned idiot if he thinks he can hide."

Angel and Valentino descended down the stairs. He was able to hum halfway through Sia’s Chandelier before Valentino growled at him to stop, to which Angel continued the song in his head anyway until they reached the lobby.

Valentino stopped in his tracks, and Angel noted that he had seen the finest piece of the art that struck the lobby. Valentino didn’t showcase his usual cool grin. He was snarling, eyes heated as if they were ready to send someone to a void of nothingness with just one glance. “He’s dead.”

Valentino darted forward, hobbling towards the wall to hold himself up as he made his way down the lobby.

“Ah, guess ya don’t need me no more.” Angel shrugged and eyed the studio’s exit. Hole in the building AND his shift was technically over? …Time to enjoy a well-deserved dinner with the only guy who made all of Hell worth it and damn was Alastor a godly cook.

“Angie poo!” Velvet jumped before him, degrading the optimism that previously filled his mind. Her usually energetic eyes were slumped in a heap of panic. “I need your help to find Vox! Hurry!”

“Ugh, why do I gotta do everything?”

“No time Angie!” Velvet took his hand, already dragging him upstairs before he could even register that he was moving. He couldn’t do much to protest now, but he was still gonna complain about it.

“How hard is he ta find? The guys’ face screams, “Punch Me Here ‘Cause My Light Up Face Is Superior to Yours.” Oh, and ya know, he kinda glows?”

“He was standing next to the windows when we got attacked. What if something bad happened to him, Angie?”

Angel took a moment to find a reply. Beside the two other shit head overlords, Velvet wasn’t so bad. Sure, she was a pouncing ball that seemed to always jump in your face out of nowhere and maybe she was a little too energetic 24/7 but at least she wasn’t uptight like the other two.

They met the tattered scene again. He saw nothing but the same crumbles of wall and stone… Angel sighed but perked up to help her. “All right, where have ya looked, toots?”

“Everywhere!” She pouted in desperation.

“Any specifics?” He scanned the area. The smoke had mostly cleared out and sure it was dim in the room, which would’ve made it easier to find Vox. Hoping of course, that his electronics hadn’t short circuited again.

He swept the area with Velvet a few times with no avail. The egotistic Tv Lord was nowhere in sight.

Angel scratched his head and whistled. “Hell, where do ya think he went?”

“What if the ship kidnapped him? My Voxy can’t be kidnapped! He’s too important to be kidnapped!” She panicked.

“Uh, I think that’s the point, doll...”

“Angie!” She hugged onto him. Angel frowned, unsure of what to do. “What if his HellBook stalker took him?”

“Say what now?” He crinkled his eyebrows.

“Before the crash, Vox told us he had some new fan that liked all his pictures and posts since 2018. What if his stalker took him?”

Angel blanked out. He was only supposed to do a one-hour film shoot today and get back to the hotel to meet up with Alastor for a nice dinner. So why was he still here helping the damned overlords who weren’t technically supposed to need help to begin with? 

“Angel!” Valentino’s voice rang in his ears. Right, that's why...

“What?”

“Don’t give me that attitude.” Valentino dropped onto the sofa, not minding the visage of dust that sprayed into the air. “We were just attacked. You should be concerned.”

“I am concerned. I’m gonna be late for my hot date tonight!” Angel growled.

“Oh right. Yes, with the man who gave you the confidence to open your big sarcastic mouth with me.” Valentino wasn’t impressed. He was beat up and pissed out of his mind and Angel wanted to keep piling up on that in hopes that the man would let him leave already.

“Two words. Hell yeah.”

“Well too bad." Valentino huffed. "Whether the radio shit head likes it or not, you’re coming with Velvet and I to catch that pompous blimp fucker. I sent the hounds after him in case he makes a landing, but that won’t do me any good if he stays in the air.”

“Val what the hell? No! I’ve got shit to do. Sorry.” Angel made it three stomps towards the exit before Velvet rewarded him with puppy-dog eyes.

“Angie…” She sniffled.

“Yes Angie.” Valentino chimed in. “Your film got scrapped. This is your shift now.”

He tore his gaze away, arms crossed with a scowl. He knew Valentino wouldn’t let him refuse the job, but there was no way in hell he was going side by side with him. “Ya can’t go anyway Vee. You’re beat the fuck up." He dropped a sigh. "I’ll handle it. Just let me go tell Al and I’ll go show Sir Whatever His Name Is the deal, kay?”

“Good idea. You and Radiohead can tag at it together and bring him to me. I’ll let you have the weekend off in exchange.”

“Now hold on there big guy, you want me to take my date on some high-speed chase in exchange to have the weekend off?” Angel rubbed his chin in thought. “I’m in!”

“Good. Glad we meet eye to eye once again. And Velvet, darling, I need you to go with them. Don’t want Angel Cakes slackin’ just ‘cause he’s got the man to protect him from me.”

“As long as we save Voxy, I’m up for the take!” She jumped up in excitement.

Angel groaned. “Right… Let’s go. I don’t wanna keep Al waiting. Or be here anymore. My shift technically ended twenty minutes ago.”

Who knows, maybe chasing Snake Shit over having dinner would be the highlight of his month. Ya know, hoping Alastor didn’t blow a radio dial upon hearing the change of plans.


	2. A Shit Show and A Half

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demon tendrils, tons of yelling, loud noises, and a stupid snake. What happens when worse actually comes to worse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The name of this chapter is exactly how I felt as I wrote it. Why am I writing this? What is my goal here? I really don't know but this has been eventful considering I've never written light comedy stuff before and I'm scared for whatever shitshow my brain comes up with next... Here ya guys go and I honest to heck hope you enjoy this chapter (-.-) -Cheeze

The second Alastor saw Velvet at the hotel’s door, he summoned a visage of demon tentacles to scoop her up and send her struggling upside down and high up above.

His dialed eyes didn’t relax as he faced Angel either. Instead, his head arched to the side, almost as if he were going to crack his neck. Almost. “Why is this fiend here with you?”

With a deep breath, Angel put up all four arms to explain himself. “Al babe, calm down, a’ight? Look she don’t mean any harm.”

“Then why is she here?”

“Well…” Angel didn’t know where to begin. He could smell chopped vegetables, onion and coriander mostly, but it made his stomach rumble alongside the stirring panic within himself.

“Angie! Tell him to stop!” Velvet’s yell made his stress cave in more and he figured it was best to blurt out the truth.

He tried for a grin. “Forget dinner. We’re going on a snake hunt t'night.”

“WHAT?”

And there it was, the infamous crack of the neck. Great…

Angel sighed and thus began a flurry of words coming fast from his mouth. “I know I know. We planned this a few days ago and I was lookin’ forward to it too, honest! But some shit went down and Sir Snake Shit busted tha studio up and Vee needs me ta track down Snake Shit and Tv Ass for A Head is missin’ and,-”

“Angel darling, breathe.”

Angel did and Alastor perked up back to normal, neck in place and eyes at ease, as if he was hysterical about the idea. “You’re not mad?” Angel huffed.

“Of course I am, dear. I am furious!” He ran one hand through Angel’s hair despite the opposite sense of words coming from his mouth. “The roast was just about ready, and I was waiting for you to come home and turns out, you’re leaving now.”

“No. I mean yes. We’re both leavin’!”

“We’re both going?”

“Look Al, I’ll make it up to ya this weekend, I promise. Vee’s givin’ me the weekend off if I do this. So, do ya mind putting Velvet down? She’s the only one of the three who’s bad side I haven’t gotten on and I’d love to keep it that way.”

Alastor lessened his smile but he obliged. After a quick snap, Velvet was back at Angel’s side and the demonic tendrils retreated back to oblivion. 

“So, you’re taking me with you to go hunt down Sir Pentious so you can have the weekend off?” Alastor asked again for the third time.

Angel sighed. “Al baby, how many more times do I gotta tell ya?”

“Until I get over the fact that I spent an hour preparing dinner just so I can get my hands dirty with some demon on an empty stomach.”

Angel threw two arms around his back and brought him close in response. “You don’t have to lift a finger baby. We just find him and take him back to Vee and all is said and done. Kay? Ya know I’ll make it up to ya.” With a smug grin, he pressed his lips against Alastor’s own, not able to hold his smile as he did it. 

Alastor pet his hair back in return. “I know that all too well.” His smile lessened. “But I am disappointed that you gave into your boss yet again.”

“You know I’m still not in a position to disobey him. You helped him get off my back, but the contract still stands… Listen, let’s get to Snakehead and get this done and go home, kay?”

“Agreed.”

The trio headed down the walkway towards Valentino’s blaze purple limo and climbed in. Velvet sat across from them, hands folded in her lap and cheery gaze pasted to the both of them with a small grin as they all sat.

Angel crossed his arms, gaze switching from her to the ground various times before he snapped. "What?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"You're staring at us. Why are ya starin' at us?"  
  
"You two are cute. It reminds me of how much Voxxy hates the two of you." She opened the sunroof and swiftly poked herself out of it.

“Riiight.” Angel cleared his throat. “Thanks?”

“No problem. But we do have a different problem Angie.”

“What’s the problem?”

“How are we supposed to get to the blimp if it’s in the sky?”

Angel opened his mouth to speak before he realized he didn’t have the answer. Shit. He watched as Alastor folded one leg over the other and laid his hands over his thigh, smile as sly as ever. Angel knew this particular crease of his lips. He had some weird sinister plan up his sleeves. 

“Simple my dear.” He answered.

“Simple?” Angel questioned.

“Indeed. The tendrils I summon can do much more than just death and destruction after all.”

Angel raised an eyebrow. “I uh, I hope you ain’t talking what I think you’re talkin’…”

“Is the blimp black and gold?” Velvet called out.

“Yeah. Why?”

“It’s right above us…”

“Oh shit.” Angel met eyes with Alastor. “Al what are you gonna do?”

“Out of the car.”

Angel wasn’t convinced but once Alastor began to bend his neck sideways, Angel made a hasty decision to grab Velvet and he launched out from the car, the two of them falling onto the gravel. Alastor stepped out behind them and Angel heard the snap of his fingers. It didn’t take a second before the portal began to unfold beneath them.

“Not again!” Velvet hugged onto Angel.

“Too… tight!” He forced his voice out as her arms constricted around him, or were those the demon tentacles? He wasn't sure. They were lifted up. Angel only saw the mass of the metal ship grow closer by the second. Too close!

“Ahhhh!” They burst through the metal. Angel didn’t feel a damn thing. He was on the ground, Velvet still hugging onto him.

“I’m alive?” He asked.

“Course darling. I wouldn’t do anything that would cause you any harm. I made sure they protected you as it impacted.” Alastor reached out a hand.

Angel took it and got to his feet with Velvet following along.

He could see as the summoned tentacles retreated down into the crack in the road below. He knew what Alastor was capable of, mostly. But Hell did those things still creep him out.

“All right. We’re here.” He exhaled. “Now to find this asshole and get him to Vee and get my weekend off!” He eyed a set of doors. He had never visited the ship, but Cherri had filled him in on how boring it was. Mostly it was a big ship just shoved with lame inventions and a bunch of eggs. 

The three of them passed through the set of golden double doors.

The main hall of the ship was crowded with loud and annoying Egg Bois, all whom stared at the trio in a second of bland horror, followed by a minute of yelling "Boss!" in synchronized harmony.  
  
Needless to say, there was nothing harmonizing about it.  
  
"Hey!" Angel shouted. "Shaddup! We ain’t tryin' to hurt anyone... yet."  
  
The attempt was a failure. The damned eggs still ran around in a heap of panic. Angel spotted the crinkle in Alastor's eye and caught the hand that reach up in a snapping motion before he made the daring move.  
  
"No babe. Now's not the time for that. As much as I wanna fucking say yeah..." Angel sighed. "You'd think Snake Shit woulda came out by now with all the damn screamin' going on." He scanned the room in search of him.  
  
"Ooh these little guys are so cute!" Velvet plucked an Egg Boi off the ground and hugged him into her arms.  
  
"Hey back off, lady!"

“Watch out with those Velvet. They can get feisty.” Angel mentioned.  
  
The three scanned the ship. Angel spotted the control panel and met with it no later, reading a bunch of words he didn't understand. Each word corresponded to a certain pully or button... Buttons, that lit up and looked really tempting to push. He gladly pressed an index finger into a green one. Alastor put a hand to his shoulder and shifted his eyes to the left. Angel followed along, catching the end of a tail poking out from a big hunk of something that had a blanket thrown over it.

Angel cackled. "Seriously? Ya had t'make this too fuckin' easy." He trailed over towards the image, bending over and with one of his four arms, he pinched down at the tip of the tail.  
  
"Ahhh!"  
  
"Ahhh!" Angel scrambled back as the snake flailed along the blanket in a failed attempt to escape. He wrapped himself up in the ordeal, and Angel watched as he finally tore his head free. Pink-slit eyes met with widened red ones. Pentious shrieked again.  
  
"Ahhh!"  
  
"Ahhh!"  
  
Sir Pentious knit his eyebrows. "Why are you screaming?"  
  
"I dunno! The moment got ta me!" Angel shouted.  
  
With a frown, Pentious looked him up and down and then shot a glare towards Alastor and Velvet who stationed themselves at some weird metallic structure. An invention probably, considering the whole room was filled with them.  
  
He then met back with Angel, his skinny tongue fluttering out and back in within a second. "Why are you here, ssstriped freak?"  
  
"Look pal, let's cut to the chase. Ya pretty much attacked the Porn Studios and ran off. Hit 'n run ya know?” Angel merely examined his nails. Still gloved but the gesture was more out of boredom. “One of the head honchos is missing and it's your fault. So, you're coming back to the studio with us so Vee can uh, do somethin' to ya. No strugglin', got it?" He finger-gunned.  
  
Pentious didn't answer aside from an offended frown that made him look more like a pouty chihuahua and less of a witty snake.  
  
Angel shrugged. "All right, no questions either? Good. Let's go." He turned and made his way for the doors.  
  
"Now wait! I will not go anywhere near that filthy whore studio!" Pentious protested.  
  
Angel was going to give it to him straight, but some weird high-pitched sound rattled his ears.  
  
"Besides, you have no proof that I, Sir Pentious, did any sort of destruction to said studios. AND you are trespassing on my territory! Now prepare to face the wrath of my Egg B-"  
  
"Shaddup!" Angel snapped.  
  
"Now that'sss not very polite, -"  
  
"Shh! Don't ya hear that?" Angel followed the sound and pressed his head against the left wall of the ship.  
  
"It's a wavelength." Alastor folded his hands behind his back. "My guess is that Vox is no longer missing."  
  
"Voxxy is here?" Velvet growled. "I knew it! You kidnapped him!"  
  
"Now wait a second!” Pentious flared out his hood. “I did no such thing! That I can assure. The porn studio, now that was just a, missstake..."  
  
The noise empowered, echoing throughout the ship. Each of them bellowed to their knees, hands squeezing their ears. Save for Alastor who fell face down instead, and as Angel watched, he could see the static in his eyes.  
  
"Alastor!" He met with him with no success in snapping him out of it. He patted his face and shook his shoulders. "Al! Babe! Wake up! Snake Shit, what the fuck is going on? Stop that shit!"  
  
"What? Thisss isssn't me you fool!"  
  
"Its Voxxy! He does this when he's super angry!" Velvet launched herself onto Sir Snake Shit’s back and pounded one fist on his head repeatedly. “Where is he? I know you took him! You’re his stalker, aren’t you?”

“Get off of me! I did no such thing!”

Angel dragged Alastor’s body and eased him up against the wall. “Stay here love, I’ll be back as soon as I find out what the hell that is.” He glanced towards Snake Shit as he scrambled to get Velvet away with no success. With a small growl, he swiped up an Egg Boi and launched it at snake Shit’s face.

“Stop it! Let’s figure out where the Hell this sound is coming from!”

Pentious locked eyes with him. “The whore is right.” He headed out a set of golden double doors, Velvet essentially getting a piggyback ride at this point. This new room was mostly empty, save for a couple of crates and broken cannons strewn up in a pile. The sound was louder however, and even with two sets of hands covering his ears, Angel couldn’t find salvation.

He closed his eyes for a moment, until he ran into Velvet and Pentious, who came to a complete stop. The damned snake was just standing there and staring.

“Hey!”

Pentious grabbed Angel’s hand and directed it towards the ceiling. There, Angel saw a blue electric fizz coming out from what looked like a set of claws. He knew those claws.

“Uhh, is it me or is there a hand sticking through the roof?!”

“VOXXY!” She growled. “Take us to him you asshole!”

“Don’t call me sssuch a word! I was merely driving my blimp and gaining territory. Whatever happened was jussst a result.”

“Look Snake Shit, just get us up to the roof of this place so we can get this going, yeah?”

Pentious pulled down a lever and from the middle of the room, descended a gilded gold staircase that led to the outside of the ship.

One by one they each headed up. The ship had slowed down, so the wind wasn’t so harsh against them. They were over the West hemisphere of Pentagram City now, and Angel could see the Hazbin not too far away, before he caught onto the star of the scene.

Legs flailing in the wind and one arm spurting electric frizz, Vox was lodged into the side of the ship by one arm and his head was stuck between the arm of a canon.

“Pffft, ahahah!” Angel threw himself on the floor in a heap of laughter.

“Angie this isn’t funny!” Velvet dragged him up by the collar. “Help me get him out!”

“Oh, that is gold. A’ight doll, just gimme a sec. I’m gonna need him to calm down before I get even close.”

They peered over the railing, gazing down towards the side of the ship.

“Vox!” Velvet yelled.

“Velvet? Is that you? Get me down from this piece of metal shit right now!”

“Yeah yeah.” Angel groaned. “First we gotta figure out how.”

“Is that the damned spider? What is he doing here?”

“Hey, don’t be so ungrateful.” Angel huffed. “Damned spider is gonna be the one to help ya outta there. No one else has got the arms to do it.”

“Just hurry! I’ve been up here for who knows how long!”

The sound finally died down as his electricity flared out. Angel hopped over the railing and held on by crossing his legs over the railing, allowing his tall body just before Vox’s reach.

“Dammit!” He reached his upper arms as far as he could, barely grazing Vox’s own outreached hand. The angle Vox was in didn’t make it easier. If he slipped out, Angel wouldn’t be able to catch him. “Reach harder, asshole!” Angel growled.

“Can’t you see that I am trying! Do you want me to fall to my physical death?”

“Well… On one side, no more annoying comments until Vee and Velvs find a new body for ya. On the other side, Vee will get really clingy… On second thought, no. I can’t believe I’m sayin’ this, but I need ya alive.”

“How is it possible that you’ve got six arms and yet you can’t save me?!” Vox yelled.

“Look I’m trying ta think here! You’re too far for me to reach!”

“Fool!” Pentious chimed in. Angel felt the railing vibrate against his feet and he guessed Pentious was leaning against it. “You’re not going to reach him like that! Use the level to your right!”

“Lever?” Angel gazed to his right. There was a red lever sticking out near his reach, ya know, along with two more red ones and a green one.

He sighed. “It wouldn’t kill you ta be just a tad more specific. Ya know, life or resurrection situation goin’ on?”

“The orange one you imbecile! Tell him to hold onto the cannon beside him and pull the lever! It’ll bring him safely close to you and we can pull you both up.”

“Okay okay.” He reached out for one of the levers. “Uh, fuck. Which one was it!”

“The orange one!”

“There isn’t any orange lever here!”

“It’s right in front of you! Ssstriped freak!” The railing bumped again, and Angel tightened his legs around it.

“Easy pal!” He reached for the bottom lever.

“No not that one! The one up above to the damned ri- EEK!”

Angel did not enjoy the sound of that, nor the harsh vibrating of the railing. He forced himself to glance back, eyes catching onto the sight of Pentious hurling towards him.

“Oh fuck! Velvet grab my legs!”

Pentious was right before him and Angel reached out with all four hands. The weight would’ve hurled them both down if Velvet hadn’t held onto his legs.

“Who the fuck are you?” Vox was still flailing in the wind. But now that Pentious was there, they could easily reach.

“Snake Shit, grab him and let’s get this shit over with.”

“Agreed. The sooner you all leave my ship, the bett-,” Pentious made a face when he saw Vox, the same one that made him look like a damned chihuahua.

“What are you staring at! Grab my damn hand!”

He did and the small weight was now off Angel’s shoulders. Now to dislodge Vox safely and get back inside the ship.

“Okay easy pal.” Angel mentioned. “His arm and head are still stuck so-,”

Angel felt a yank. The sound of electric fizz filled the air and then a squeal came from Sir Pentious? “Oh god!”

No. Fucking. Way. Did he just…

“What did you just do?” Angel took in the scene.

Pentious' face was horror in the making. Most of Vox’s limp body was in his arms. Most. Vox’s head and arm were still tucked in to their captive spot lodged between the arm of the cannon and arm still sticking inside the wall. Both spat out sparking fuses as they were torn away from their body.

“Why did you do that! You stupid fuckin’ IDIOT!” Angel could barely hold Pentious’s weight. Now that he was accompanied by ninety percent of Vox, shit didn’t get easier.

“Velvet pull us up!”

“You’re too heavy!” she cried.

“Just get me high ‘nough to reach with my bottom arms! Pull doll, I know you can!”

She couldn’t manage. Angel tried to playback ideas in his head but hey, whaddya know? He wasn’t keen on improvising while hanging face first down a blimp whilst holding a notable edgy powerhouse and half of the most annoying overlord he knew.

“Boss!”

“Boss! Boss! Boss!”

Angel heard the voices of the Egg Bois and someone was crawling on his legs, followed by more.

“H-Hey!” Angel arched back to see a dozen Egg bois making a chain down the railing. The ones crawling on his legs grabbed his four arms and began pulling.

“Huh not a bad idea I guess.”

They each linked to one another, all twelve Egg Bois pulling the trio up with all their might. Once close enough to the railing, Angel shot out his fifth and sixth arms and started pulling himself up.

“Holy shit, Snake Shit! How much do ya eat?” Angel managed to finally get his feet on solid ground. Only the top half of his body leaned over the railing, still holding Pentious who was still holding Vox’s limp body with the face of a man that had royally fucked up.

With a heavy pull, the deed was done. Pentious was plastered at the ground, Vox still in his arms. The neon in his suit was dead and his body practically was too, considering his head and one arm were left behind.

Not part of the plan.

“Soo uh,” Angel gazed over the railing to see his head and arm still in place. He locked eyes with Sir Pentious. "Ya got any liquor on this damn ship?”


	3. The Snake, The Spider, and A Spanish Death Machine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fixing Vox up should have been easy for Pentious, especially with the use of duct tape! Easy was a relative word. It was also easy for said mechanical demon to go AWOL and set the curtains on fire whilst yelling angrily in a language Pentious couldn't understand.

Rule of thumb never ask a nearly two-hundred-year-old mad inventor to explain why he did what he did because one, he wouldn’t shut up, and two, shit got confusing really quick.

“Who even uses Hellsssung anymore? Damn phone never listens to me when I try to talk to it, and he pointed out very great reasons why I should buy the 9oss instead.”

Angel pet Alastor’s head as he lay against his lap. Alastor had woken up shortly after the crew headed back inside the ship and Angel did his best on catching him up to the current situation in between Snake Shit’s rant.

“And I was scrolling and ssscrolling, liking all these marvelous wonderss he had posted and within that damned ssecond, the ship belted forward! I yanked the ship back on track and ssseemingly did mild damage to that filthy whore sstudio. Of course in my moment of panic, I headed downstairs to hide. And not too long after, I hear someone crasssh into the ship!”

“Mm. So basically,” Angel unwrapped a lollipop with his free hands and plopped it into his mouth. “Ya were texting and driving but replace texting with scrolling I guess.”

“Y-Yesss. Did you dig in my pantry?”

“Yes and ya really need a better taste in chocolate. Shit tasted like rancid milk. ‘Side from that, you ran into the studio because you were distracted by Vox’s HellBook? Hold on.” Angel sat up straight. “Velvs, didn’t cha say something about Vox having a stalker?”

“It’s him. I knew it was the second I saw him.” She smiled, seeming very proud of herself.

They all gazed at Pentious, who’s hood flared as his face reddened. “Now wait. I can explain!”

“No no no. Enough of that. What are we gonna do about this?” Angel pointed to the heap of egotistical demon on the floor.

"I can fix him!" Pentious blurted out.   
  
"Ya sure about that?"  
  
"Of coursssse I can fix him! I know machines like, how do you all say it nowadays? The back of a hand?"  
  
"The back of my hand." Angel rolled his eyes.  
  
"Yes! I know machines like I know the back of your hand, ssstriped freak! No one else in this eternal pool of suffering can conduct such great prowess in the sscientific field!"  
  
Angel had never face palmed with all four hands before. He never wanted to shove them so hard down someone's throat either. "Look fuckin' Snake Shit just do what ya can! As long as he walks and talks, we're fuckin' good. Got it?"  
  
"Most certainly!" He faced down at Vox's body which still lay sprawled out along the floor with the broken arm shoved halfway into his pants. "Who put his arm there?"  
  
Alastor shrugged. "Figured he'd might want to keep it warm. Speeds up the decomposition rate."  
  
Angel busted out laughing, unable to shut up for a good twenty seconds. "Ya know today ain’t half fucking bad! I haven’t laughed this good in a while. I love when ya get sneaky like that Al…” He urged his face just before Alastor’s, red eyes switching from the smooth lips before him and the inquisitive eyes Alastor gave him. Angel smiled. “Kiss me.”  
  
Alastor threw himself onto Angel. Hell no. Pentious had never scooped up a half-dead body and run for his private quarters faster in his life.  
  
At least he could finally think without anyone judging his actions. He now had quiet atmosphere and a great view of Hell's industrial district. Nothing could beat that!  
  
He laid Vox's body flat against a table and placed his head and arm on a counter behind them. Vox's face was a blank slate of gray. His face hadn't cracked from the Egg Bois brave excavation in retrieving the parts, so that was a plus. Pentious picked it up to examine it. His screen was just that, a hardened coat of glass with no opening for a mouth or any food.  
  
Weird. He could've sworn he'd seen Vox's pictures at McGlutton's.  
  
He turned the screen to the side. It was a good inch in width and the back of the head was just the standard back to any flat screen TV, but without the entrance for cables. He found three buttons along his neck however. "Must press later. Firstly, how do you even work?" Pentious grabbed his broken arm and lined up the frazzled wires to his shoulder socket.  
  
He wasn't sure if Vox could mend himself together again with self-healing, so duct tape would most certainly NOT fix the problem. But it was a classy plan b in case the situation worsened.  
  
"Let's see here. Your body is definitely made of flesh. However, it seems that your insides are interestingly all wire and circuits." He examined the torn wires that stuck out from his shoulders. Small sparks of electricity shot out in short doses, assuring that Vox wasn't completely "dead" or shut down.  
  
Pentious would have to solder the wires back together. Shit, did he have electrical tape? Would he need electrical tape?  
  
How exactly did this damn overlord work?  
  
With a stride to his slither, he made his way towards his tools and latched on a set of slick bronze magnifying goggles with too many spectacles to keep track of.  
  
He swiped a set of pliers, some tape, and a blowtorch.  
  
"Now I'm ready." He trailed back to his project. He set the monocles on his left eye, grabbed the pliers, and got to work on the cables.  
  
Pentious wiped his forehead with his arm. Sure he wasn't sweaty, but the habit lingered from his humanity. His snake body couldn't sweat for the life of him, which had been proven upon visiting the hot springs during the summer of 2011. Great year. Lots of great tech advances and strange demons inviting him to try strange drinks. He didn't remember much of 2011 come to think of it.   
  
The sound of static pulses brought him back to focus. He retreated his hand as it shocked him.  
  
"Ouch! That wass uncalled for." He narrowed his eyes at Vox's unconscious figure. Pentious shook the pain away from his hand and began again. He worked the pliers along the loose wires, mending the ends from both arm and socket. Once each was done, he went for the torch and mended them together. The ordeal wasn’t frustrating. Getting his arm back into the socket, was a hell hole.

“Just get back in where you belong, you devious limb!” He angled the wires with one hand whilst pushing the arm at the right angle with his other hand. It went in with a harsh scrape sound.

“Yes! Nothing surpasses my mechanical prowess.” He grinned. The arm popped back out, hanging as low as the mended wires allowed. He pursed his lips and went for the duct tape. “Nothing surpasses duct tape...”

Working on the head proved more difficult. Vox featured an unusually long neck and the wires sticking out were much shorter than what the arm had showcased.

“No matter.” Pentious added two more monocles to his left vision and began soldering his neck to his torso.   
  
His focus was lasered in, soldering each set of wires with all his intricate concentration. There was no perception of time, he was in his flow state, doing what he was best at. There was no machine too big or small to figure out. Not even a demon who remained half man and half machine. So far, Pentious inferred that his power came from his head. As he mended a few cables together, the iconic cyan and red neon flickered on and off.

Just a few more wires to go and then he had to figure out how to force his head onto his torso.   
  
He didn't hear the sound of the TV as it jolted on, but the neon lighting hit his lenses at the right angle to nearly blind him.  
  
"For the wrath of Lucifer! My eye!" Pentious tossed off his goggles and rubbed his eyes.  
  
"Que chingados? Donde estoy? Qien eres?"  
  
He faced Vox, one eye fully closed and the other a narrow squint. His screen seemed to be spazzing, colors shifting from cool blues to warm oranges and then black and white in the span of a second.  
  
Vox gazed around, moving a little too quick than Pentious's comfort allowed.  
  
"No you fool!" Pentious darted forward and grabbed his shoulders. "You're not finished yet. I have to solder three more wires and seal them!"  
  
"Dejame! No me toques o te mato donde caminas!"  
  
He blinked. Then swallowed. "Why are you talking like that?"  
  
"Queta te!" Vox shoved himself away and hopped off the table. His legs gave out right beneath him, rendering him face flat against the floor.  
  
"Que chingados, mis piernas! Por que no puedo caminar? Que me has hecho!"  
  
"I don't underssstand you but stop moving you incompetent idiot! You're body is still in progress!" Pentious lifted him up, and Vox scrambled against him, flailing out his arms and punching away.  
  
"Ouch! Quit it!" Pentious stumbled backwards and he crashed against his worktable, sending his tools flying above the duo as they fell. Vox caught the blowtorch and aimed a stream of fire at him.  
  
"I did not calculate for thisss." He inhaled a deep breath and shrieked right as the sleek flame met his face.  
  
Angel was enjoying his lips along Alastor's, until a damn squeal ruined the moment. Followed by thuds and another pathetic shriek from the snake.

Angel lulled away. "Uhm, should we go check on him?"  
  
"Most likely."  
  
Angel sighed but he trotted his way for the doing double doors and kicked them opened.  
  
Vox was holding a blowtorch and his damn head lolled sideways as he crawled along the floor, wires still sticking out of his neck. The curtains were on fire. Pentious's tail was on fire and he was poorly hidden underneath a table, holding a pair of pliers as his only pathetic excuse for protection.  
  
"What the fuck is goin' on here?"  
  
"I believe this situation is more than settled. Let's return home now, darling." Alastor turned on his heel and took a pace forward before Angel clamped his shoulder.  
  
"I'd love to! But not until we get these two ta Valentino. Then I'm all yours til Monday." Angel took a step forward.

"Que demonios! Donde estan Val y Velvet?"  
  
Angel and Alastor exchanged glances. "I ain't the only one who heard that, right?"  
  
Upon hearing them, Vox responded by facing the torch their way. His color-shifting eyes widened. "Alastor? Ahora entiendo lo que esta pasando. Me hiciste esto, no?"  
  
"Woah there uh, lights for a face. I ain't trying ta hurt anyone." Angel put his hands up in guard. He threw a glance over to Alastor who had a smug grin on his face. Angel knew of the lingering feud between the two and he appreciated that Alastor was having a good time in seeing his enemy suffer. But the situation didn't look like it was going to resolve soon. 

Vox crawled towards them with one hand clawing at the ground whilst the other was wasting the flame of the blowtorch.

“Should we run?” Angel asked.

“Nonsense. Just let him humor me some more.”

With an angered growl, Vox sent out a jolt of electricity that neither of them saw coming. Angel pulled Alastor up with him as he latched himself onto a rafter on the ceiling. Vox’s electricity only heightened, bringing back the eerie sound waves from earlier. Alastor began to go limp in Angel’s arms. “Oh shit, Al stay with me babe. I can’t hold us too long!”

“Too much noise. Disorientates… me.”

Angel shot a look to Pentious who failed in throwing tools and hunks of junk at Vox. He had enough of this shit show. He just needed to get Vox and Pentious back to Valentino. That was the deal.

So he screamed at the top of his lungs. “Velvet! Help us!” She was an overlord, right? Somewhere behind her eccentric nature, there had to be a big bad devil inside her.

Vox was waving the blowtorch wildly in the air and using a can of spray that Snake Shit had thrown at him to intensify the flames. A flash of white and red smashed Vox onto the ground and with one finger to a button on his neck, Vox went dark, screen fading off, electricity dying down, and the fire simmering to an end.

“Sheesh.” Angel was ready to fall into bed for a long nap and so was Alastor by the looks of it. He carefully dropped down, holding Al against him bridal style. Angel put on a smug grin at the thought.

“How did you do that?” Pentious slithered to the scene. “This damned egg burned my face! And my private quarters!” As he said it, Angel noted the reddened mark running diagonal along his face.

Angel held back a chuckle. “Okay. Look, the guy’s in Spanish but he can talk and maybe he can’t walk but he can crawl so let’s get this ship to the studio and get this shit all over with.”

“Are you crazy? I cannot set foot in that place! That purple man will kill me if I don’t fix this man!”

“No!" Angel lashed out. "Ya had your chance! And frankly, I’m over this shit! I shoulda been home already! We play to my game now. Velvet help me set this damn blimp on course to the studio. I have a bed with my name on it that’s waiting to be laid on. Maybe played on too.”

Pentious didn’t reply. His scared chihuahua face took over. Vox’s head was bent over his own shoulders. The wires he had mended were still in check, but the work needed to be finished and re-optimized before he would consider the day done. Without regards to the shouting from the spider, Pentious swiped up Vox and set him down at the counter this time. He plucked up his tools and got to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vox's ranting Spanish to English translation, as per my personal Spanish speaking, in order of appearance: 
> 
> Que chingados? Donde estoy? Qien eres?: What the fuck? Where am I? Who are you?
> 
> "Dejame! No me toques o te mato donde caminas!: Leave me! Don't touch me or I'll kill you where you walk!
> 
> "Mis piernas! Por que no puedo caminar? Que me has hecho?: My legs! Why can't I walk? What have you done to me?!
> 
> "Donde estan Val y Velvet?": Where are Val and Velvet!
> 
> "Ahora entiendo lo que esta pasando. Me hiciste esto, no?: Now I understand what's happening. You did this to me, no?
> 
> I'm in love with Spanish Vox now... -.-


	4. Warning Ahead: No One Knows How To Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's nothing like good one on one communication with the man you idoled and there's especially nothing like throwing a pair of pliers at him whilst your ship is driven by a bunch of scramble-brained idiots.

Two more wires to go.  
  
Pentious was meshing the current set of wires together, torch heating the metal to fuse. He was disappointed when the TV screen flashed back on before he could finish in peace.  
  
"Lisssten, I believe you're set to another language. I can change that but before you get violent again, let me just finish working on your head."  
  
"Pffft." Pentious heard Angel's comments from the other room. "Yeah you work that head Snake Shit!"  
  
He barred his teeth. "Maybe one of these days I could dissect the spider and void him of his vocal cords..."  
  
Vox didn’t respond. His screen was no longer shifting colors but now endured a low saturated green. He hadn't moved a limb, so Pentious grew content that he found the right wire to shut off his body movement. But he remained weary and readied himself for the moment he'd need to press the button.  
  
"Listen smart Tv Man, you are by far, thee most fascinating machine I've ever worked on! I see that the wires I had mended before the chaos, have completely repaired themselves as if they never snapped! And I've found this cool feature inside your neck which switches on the electric circuits in your hands!" He pressed two fingers into the inside of Vox's neck, grazing along the circuits until he found the trigger that lit up his hands with electric blue sparks.  
  
Vox made a face, obviously wanting to lash out and probably light another streak of fire across his face.  
  
"You are fascinating and yet, I've barely scratched the surface in understanding the way your weird body works!"  
  
"Lla basta de toqarme! Y cambiame a ingles o te parto la madre!"  
  
"Yes I know. I am almost finissshed fixing you. So sshut up." He mended the last two wires.  
  
"Me estas ayudando?" The vicious look left Vox's face. He seemed surprised. "Gracias. Creo... Quando me cambias a ingles, quero un explicacion por todo esto. Entiendes?"  
  
"I don't ssspeak any language aside from English and science. So forgive me for saying this again, but sssshut up! I need to concentrate! Your neck is very intricate."  
  
Neither said another word as time passed. Once the last wire was finally mended, Pentious reconnected the one that controlled his body.  
  
"You should feel your limbs now. But before you move..." He wrapped the TV head in his arms and with a rough push, Vox's neck clicked into place with his torso.  
  
"Ay! Que hijo de la chingada! De voy-," He shut up as the feeling met back in his body. He sat up, checking his head and body with his hands with a surprised look on his face. "Que padre. Me arreglastes con puro herramientas..."  
  
"Enough with this!" Pentious dug for the three buttons on Vox's head and pressed the bottom one.  
  
"Ce sont des choses fragiles! Faites attention!"  
  
"That's not the one." He pressed a few more times until he heard familiar ground.  
  
"Fucking Hell you fool! You idiot! It isn't that fucking hard to redirect my language!"  
  
Pentious put a hand to his own chin in thought. "I see. I now understand why you wear such high collar shirts. They hide your greatest weaknesses. Anyone can control you with the power of these three buttons."  
  
“Touch em again and you’re fucking dead, reptile scales.” Vox threatened. Though, as he took in his surroundings, he seemed confused, surprised, and lost more than he looked angry. “You fixed me with nothing but old pliers and a fucking blowtorch?”  
  
Pentious nodded and observed the neon blue and red as it cycled through his suit from pant leg to shoulder. His face was crisp clear in color as well. "Correct and I did a good job."  
  
Vox frowned. “There's duct tape on my arm..."  
  
"Aside from that."  
  
"All right, reptile freakshow." Vox got to his feet. "I wanna know everything. Tell me who the hell you are, where am I, and why the fuck am I here? You’ve got ten minutes."  
  
"Yes. Of course. It all began this morning, when I, Sir Pentious by the way, people have been very rude about calling me names today. Anyway,"  
  
"Don’t make me regret this."  
  
"I was scaling Pentragam City's southern wing, destroying, murdering, conquering! Like a true formidable powerhouse of Hell! Nobody could stop me! Yet, I was quite bored of the lack of challenge. So I took out my Hellsung Galaxy and began scrolling through HellBook to once again see my favorite patron of the social media arts."

Vox plopped against the counter, arms crossed, and his gaze observing the room as Pentious continued his ravage explanation of social media scrolling (stalking) and crashing into the Porn Studios, and Angel and his companions' annoying presence amongst the ship.

Aside from the scattered mess of tools, flipped tables, and heaps of metal junk thrown across the room, he caught onto some interesting takes. A few ray guns were neatly hoisted along a gun rack, along with two great swords that didn’t seem to be made of metal considering their translucent red blade.

Strange but elegant pieces of bronze machinery lined the wall behind the counter. Each piece featured exposed cogs and held an industrial feel to them.

Steampunk, Vox thought. Much like some of the finer pieces he had stolen from other demons over the years. Maybe he’d swipe these too, after killing Pentious. That is, if the fucker ever finished his story.  
  
Eventually, he zoned out somewhere in the midst of Pentious’ words. His screen idled, featuring an icon of Valentino's red-grinned face bouncing along the boundaries.  
  
"And I said, no not that lever you fool! And I screamed much like this," Pentious mimicked his own shriek which brought Vox back to focus.  
  
"And so I tumbled down only for the damned whore to catch me! His hands are so disgusting! Why does he have so many? Then in the heap of my panic as I lay nearly three hundred feet from my death, I pulled you in attempt to free you and you, well… you broke."  
  
Vox tried to wrap his mind around the important parts that had been spoken. He definitely regretted his decision in asking for an explanation since more than ten minutes had gone by. "So you severed my head from my body and forced me into a corrupted shut down? Not Alastor?"  
  
"The Radio Man had nothing to do with this. He's jusst... Here. With the sspider.” Pentious’ words came out sounding confused. “And I believe they kisssed."  
  
Vox shook his head in a heap of boredom, as if the matter was already old news to him. "I don't understand it either. I just hate them both.” He shrugged. “Well now that I have my explanation..." Neon blue crept into a crescent of a smug grin. "You're XxSirEdgelordxX on HellBook, aren’t you? You're the damned stalker."  
  
"You're wel- Pardon?" Pentious went red.  
  
"You!” With a wide and sinister grin, Vox took Pentious by the collar and shoved him against the counter, leering over him with one electrified hand aimed high above his face. “You're the fan I've been waiting to meet. At first, it was a minor annoyance. Another fanboy trolling my accounts and setting off my notifications. But then I saw the dedication, liking pictures so far back of my earlier days when the 9os 4 was barely out. Good times. Awful technology though." He scowled for a second. "I was going to kill you after fixing me and touching me places where no one should touch anyone as a matter of fact!"  
  
"I needed to fix you! Otherwise the Purple Man would kill me." Pentious hissed out.  
  
"Val?" Vox chuckled. "Yeah that fucker would toss you up like a salad and feed you to the hellhounds. But you didn’t think to calculate what I would do, now did you?”  
  
Pentious swallowed.  
  
The ship lunged to a harsh stop, sending both men flailing along the ground.

Pentious scrambled for the set of pliers and aimed it at Vox.

“What are you gonna do with those? Pluck me?”

He threw them and Vox ducked his head. “Or that.” He scowled.

The ship lunged again and neither party enjoyed the sound of scraping metal. “What the Hell is going on?” Vox growled.

“This’ll have to wait Tv Man. Someone who doesn’t know how to navigate is driving my ssship!” Pentious scrambled towards the main room. "Who dare touch my command panel!"

He shoved Angel, Alastor, and Velvet aside and checked the controls. He realized the idiots had parked the ship. Wait no. They ran into the Porn Studio and got the ship lodged within.

"Not again! You idiotsss!"

"Hey pal, it ain't our fault ya left us alone ta go fix bitch for brains over there!" Angel snapped.

"Hell knows how much I hate to hear that damned voice." Vox joined the scene.

"Voxxy!" Velvet tackled onto him in a flash. "I'm so glad you're okay!"  
  
"Oh hey there Vox." Angel whipped a sly smirk on his face. "I'd ask ya donde esta el baño, but fuck, ya look so much like shit, I think you are el baño."  
  
Alastor let out a small laugh. "Angel, I've heard many sarcastic and colorful things from your mouth but that, baby that was golden."  
  
"Thanks babe. I aim to please. Snake Shit we’re here now. So open the damn doors and get us off this metal junk.”  
  
"I'm trying to open the windshield, but it won't lift! Pentious’ voice filled the scene. “You idiots have lodged us into the building.”

“Then unlodge us!” Angel replied, which sparked an argument between the two.

Vox didn’t pay attention and instead began to realize where he resided. He gazed about the ship. It was impressively made of gold and painted black metal. The hunks of junk and machinery in the other room were nothing compared to the brilliant symmetry of the main hall’s design and the red and golden color scheme fit brilliantly, but a few changes wouldn’t be a bad idea.

And were those Tv monitors up on the walls?

It was a dazzling piece of art, but with a dash of his own touch, he could make it incredible!

“What cha thinkin’ about Voxy?” Velvet called out.

“Oh, just things. I need to take a trip to my headquarters.” With an electric hand, Vox broke through the glass and he and Velvet descended into the broken room the ship had lodged itself into.  
  
Pentious and Angel both silenced upon hearing the crash of glass. Pentious wanted to cry. His ship had taken beatings before but all this madness for one man was just, too much. His ship hadn't done a damned thing to deserve this abuse.  
  
A hand took his own and he let Angel drag him forward. "Come on Snake Shit. Just gotta get you to Vee and Al and I are fuckin' free!"  
  
It wasn't long before he set foot on the premises of the whore studio, standing before a lounging purple man with a middle too skinny to hold up such a tall body.  
  
"Angel, you are free to go. You don't want to see what I'm going to do to this fucker for ruining my building."  
  
"Yeah uh, sounds good! Go easy on him though.” Angel headed out with Alastor. “Later Snake Shit.”  
  
Pentious for once, did not want Angel to leave. He lost count of how many times he had swallowed his fear back that day. But he did it again, eyes watching as the purple overlord crept an ear to ear smile, though Pentious couldn't see any ears for what it was worth.  
  
“So this is the face of the man who decided to fuck with the big boys…”

Pentious died a little on the inside before anyone could kill him on the outside.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English translation  
> (again (〜￣△￣)〜): 
> 
> Lla basta de toqarme! Y cambiame a ingles o te parto la madre!: Quit touching me already! And change me back to English or I'll whoop your ass... (Pretty much) 
> 
> Me estas ayudando? Gracias. Creo... Quando me cambias a ingles, quero un explicacion por todo esto. Entiendes?: You're helping me? Thanks, I guess... When you change me back to English, I want an explanation for all of this. You understand?
> 
> Que padre. Me arreglastes con puro herramientas.: Fantastic. You fixed me with nothing but tools.
> 
> Ce sont des choses fragiles! Faites attention! (this ones French actually and I used my not-so-good friend Google translate): Those are fragile things! Be careful! 
> 
> Okay. That should be the end of translating shit...


	5. Technology is Epic! And Explosive!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so the epic conclusion to his day ends with a bang and a uh, pang of glass. Pentious made note not to anyone drive his ship ever a-fucking-gain. He made note not to eat a kids meal again. And he certainly made note that one day, he wasn't sure when or how, but one day he would be the one to ultimately destroy and not be destroyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not that I listen to that kind of music, but Valentino would so have that ringtone lol

Pentious’ tongue fluttered in and out of his mouth, eyes clipped onto Valentino’s every move as he smoked his cigar.

He really hadn’t moved in the last three minutes as he lay sprawled along the sofa.

Pentious pressed his two index fingers together and threw his glance about the destroyed room. He wasn’t sure where Vox and that Velvet girl had gone ever since they left his ship. Angel and the Radio Man had deserted him. He was going to die alone, in this dusty room of shambles and rubble, at the hands of this sleezy purple hound of a demon. Would he ever finish that damn cigar?

Valentino cleared his throat. Oh god. Oh no. Wait go back to smoking the cigar!

“Like what you see?” His voice came out as a weak scrape against his neck.

Pentious pursed his lips, nervously observing the disaster he had caused.

“Quite the fuckin’ mess. Don’t cha think?”

“I erm,” He slithered his tongue out again. “It was an honest misssstake.”

“Mistakes in this industry are punishable by me.” It was happening. Valentino urged himself off the sofa and onto his feet. Pentious had always considered himself rather tall but seeing as this man towered more than four feet over him did not light his hope.

He swallowed, again. Then he heard strange music fill the room just behind Valentino.

“I’m a boss ass bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.”

Valentino rolled his eyes and reached for his phone.

Oh… What a strange ringtone.

“What the fuck do you want. Wait, Vox? You’re okay? Angel didn’t mention you were here. He just brought me the soon to be roadkill.”

Pentious continued with his struggle of keeping his tongue intact. Nervousness did not do well with his body.

“Hold up. What the fuck are you gettin’ at Vox?”

He gazed up at Valentino as he snarled. “You want a sandwich? Wait, you want me to take him on the ship? And what the Hell ya gonna give me in return for either of those things?”

Pentious raised an eyebrow.

Valentino hung up with a scoff. But he waved a hand, gesturing for him to follow as Valentino walked off. “Outta here. Guess Vox wants to see you back on your ship or some shit.”

Confused, Pentious stood there and raised an eyebrow.

“LET’S GO!” Valentino shouted, and Pentious scattered off the same way he had entered the place.

Once they made it to the room that harbored the entrance to his ship, he saw a ship that WAS NOT the way he had left it.

First of all, it was blue, a blinding bright cyan blue with red accents.

“This is the piece of shit that destroyed my building? Looks like Vox got his hands on it…” Valentino tinged a smirk.

“What in the nine circles is this!” He rushed for his ship. The Egg Bois lowered themselves on ladders, holding paint buckets and brushes in their hands.

“What is the meaning of this you fried chicken fetuses!”

“Hey Bossm-!” Pentious swiped up the Egg Boi.

“What is going on with my ship!”

“The Tv Man told us to, boss.”

Pentious tossed the Egg Boi aside and rushed into his ship. He saw Vox at the command panel, electric sparks lighting cyan blue all over switches and levers.

“What is the meaning of this?!”

Vox only smirked. “Fixing your ship and adding some well needed upgrades.” He switched his sinister gaze. “Good to see ya Val. Where’s my sandwich?”

“Fuck your sandwich. What’s the plan?”

Pentious cut in between them. “Excuse me. Well needed fixing? I am the only who does fixing here!”

“Open your eyes Pentious. Your blimp is a prestige vessel of fine machinery and absolute destruction. It needs to be renovated, taken care of dearly with updated tech. And where else to get the latest and most powerful technology than with the man.”

“The man?”

“Me you idiot!” Vox moved the levers that steered the ship. They were lifting off. “I know best in this field. Look around! I’ve installed the latest nano technology to invigorate the engines and boost the mechanics all around! Your turrets and cannons have been amplified for maximum damage and are now coated with a sleek chrome to protect them. Oh, and you got a new paintjob. That was completely Velvet’s idea.” Vox leaned against the control panel, looking really proud of himself.

Pentious felt his eye twitch. “Why are you doing all this?”

“Yes. I’d love to know as well.” Valentino pressed on, looking ultimately bored.

“Right.” A daring smile met Vox’s face. He crossed his arms. “Val do me a favor and stand right in the middle over there, where the red tile is on the floor.”

“Where did that come from?” Pentious asked, to which Vox put a hand to his mouth to shut him up.

“Tch. What is this bullshit? Another failed teleportation device?”

“Actually, I’d say it is far from a failure. I dwelled so far in the science in trying to figure out the algorithm. When in reality, the mechanics behind a real working teleportation device are quite simple. Stand there and I’ll show you.”

Valentino set foot on the red tiles in the middle of the room. Vox grinned and with a swift push of his index finger to a button, the trap door released, and Valentino without a doubt, fell to Pentagram’s streets.

"That's for breaking my screen, bitch."

Pentious’ mouth dropped.

“He’ll be fine.” Vox slithered an arm around his back, urging them towards the windshield to gaze about the streets below. “Valentino is such a dull partner nowadays. He just lounges away, scolding his workers and smoking away. Which sucks. Do you know how hard it is to talk to a room full of people when no one is listening?”

Pentious glared back at Vox, and then met his gaze to the working Egg Bois. Everything he ever said was heard and appreciated by his Egg Bois. And only his Egg Bois. But they never understood a damned word about science and inventing. “I suppose you’d like to indulge in a talk about vile machinery and science?” He smiled.

“Yes! What else would I have let you live for? Honestly Pentious, you’re strange and I was going to kill you. But I realized that you’ve got brilliant taste and your inventions aren’t half bad!” He took out one of the ray guns he couldn’t help but swipe for himself. “Besides it ain’t easy tying to make simpletons understand technology. Everyone just scrolls away on Voxstagram.”

“Voxstagram? Is that another social media platform?” Pentious tried to swipe the ray gun back but Vox walked in another direction.

“Yes and I made it. And you should, stay away... HellBook serves your type better.” Vox muttered.

What was that supposed to mean?

Vox met at the control panel again. Pentious joined him just as he lit the buttons that hurled lasers across the city.

“Nobody has impressed me like this in years! To think you’ve been flying this rambunctious piece of junk around Pentagram City. I never thought anything at first but seeing the mechanics and complicated engineering is quite alluring. You’ve got style Pentious. That and you fixed me with fucking duct tape and fire and you succeeded. Who does that?” An enthusiastic and menacing laugh escaped Vox.

“I take pride in fixing and understanding machines.” Pentious felt himself fighting down a fluster. It wasn’t everyday that someone complimented your prized talents and skills.

“Yes I see that now.” Vox leered himself awfully close. Too close and so close that the brightness of his face began to hurt Pentious’ eyes. He slithered back a step.

“Do you like McDonald’s or McGlutton’s as they call it down here… It’ll be on me.” Vox still held his position.

"I could use a well-balanced meal to combat the traumas I've endured this day."

"Of course. Of course. We'll get you a kid’s meal. That's as well balanced as you're gonna get."

“On another note, how did you do all this to my ship?”

“You wanna learn a thing or two? Stick with me snake boy and I’ll teach you everything you need to know.” Vox threw an arm around him, the two of them prying at the controls as they bombarded Pentagram City with the mayhem of a newly upgraded blimp, stopping only once for the wondrous burger joint, and then heading back out in the ship in an array of evil laughter and joy.  
  
Pentious sipped on his soda and noted the tall paradox of a building up ahead.  
  
"Pardon my interruption to our evil endeavors but, you're headed straight for that damned hotel."  
  
"I know." Vox smirked, edging the ship forward.  
  
"I see." He straightened his bow tie. "Egg Bois! Get ready to reload the cannons."  
  
"Today is my victory Alastor!"  
  
"Our victory. To be correct." Pentious placed his hand on the lever. "After all this isss my ship."  
  
"Yeah but I upgraded it."  
  
"Sso? You did it without my permission!"

Vox gripped his hand over Pentious’ own, threatening to pull the lever. “I just invested thousands into this ship. I’d say I have the honors of blowing up the hotel.”

“Now wait a minute, thousands? Thousands of what? Calories considering what you just fed me?”

Something rocked the ship and panicking Egg Bois were heard a second later as they all ran towards Pentious. “Boss we’re under attack!”

“Attack?” Vox and Pentious said in unison. Sharp black tendrils made their way through the reinforced ship, already tossing Egg Bois around.

“On second thought, you can do the honors.” Vox pulled away.

“No no no, I-I insissst.” Pentious grabbed his hand and placed it back at the lever.

“Don’t touch me reptile!”

“For the last time, my name is Sir Pentious!”

The tendrils wrapped around them, silencing Pentious but amplifying Vox’s outburst.

“For fuck’s sake. This is all your fault reptile!”

“Now what did I just say? You salty Tv man!”

“Edgy chihuahua faced coward!”

“Now you take that back!”

“I’m a bad bitch, I don’t take anything back.”

“More like neon bitch…” Pentious rolled his eyes.

Being slammed into the walls brought back the reverence of memories of three months ago. Once again made a fool and once again overthrown by the damned Radio Head himself. For Pentious, this was the inevitable norm. For Vox, this was heating the burning pools of lava waiting to erupt and destroy Alastor for once and for all.

At least he’d go down in style, in a gigantic cyan blimp with his face painted on the right side, with dozens of screaming egg dudes, and a giant cinnamon roll of a demon.

The blimp crashed, metal screeching and all demons on board crying out. Smoke plummeted the air as the rumbling of the ship came to an end.

Vox groaned out, rubbing his head which he hoped hadn’t cracked again. Something weighed down against him and someone hacked out a few harsh coughs.

He opened his eyes to see Pentious over him. Pink slit eyes widened when Pentious realized he was lying over Vox.

Vox smirked. “So, I’m a neon bitch huh?”

Pentious went red, but he swallowed down his panic and composed himself. “Lissten, we’ve both been tossed around like imps today. And my ship is now destroyed… again.”

“Mhm?”

“Wipe that look off your face!”

“No thanks. I enjoy rousing other demons up. I mean, it goes to show how amazing I really am.” He stuck his tongue out in a menacing tease.

“Okay wait.” Pentious sat up and crossed his arms. “How the hell do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“The mouth. The tongue! Your face is literally glass!”

Vox frowned in the thought. But switched on his charm and lit a smug grin at Pentious as he urged himself up on his elbows and leaned in real close. “Ya wanna find out?”

“I… erm. What?”

He never expected to crash into the Porn Studio that day. He never expected to be bullied around by the spider or tossed around like a punching bag in the wild shit show that this egotistic salty Tv man caused. He never expected his damn screen to be so cold or on his lips…

Shouldn’t they have been running away from something?

* * *

“Sooo, you think they learned their lesson yet?” Angel peered out the window as he watched the bellowing smoke from the blimp crash below.

“Not until the ship explodes.”

As if on cue, a fiery eruption shook the entire hotel as the ship engulfed in a fiery defeat.

“Nice one Al. Ya think they’re gonna come back anytime soon?” Angel threw himself over the sofa, nuzzling his head against his lap.

“I don’t expect to see them soon. But when they decide to show up again, do not refrain me from just doing that from the start.”

“Hey I told ya not to lift a finger earlier for a reason. It shoulda been an easy job but I never thought Vox was gonna be there. Either way, he crippled ya with that weird noise shit he does.”

“Crippled. But not defeated. Of course, had I done anything, I would have put you in danger.” Alastor pet along Angel’s hair.

“Yeah… You really gotta show me what you’re really capable of one of these days.”

“I’m sure those two will give you the chance to see exactly that. Now, what movie did you want to show me again?”

“Oh Al, you know what movie. Tonight, we’re watching Fifty Shades of Pink!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right so the epic? Conclusion to this shit show has finally made way. This was a rollercoaster to write as I'm sure it was to read. 
> 
> And yes I had to give Alastor the final move because I had to do justice for him somewhere in this mess lol. 
> 
> If I ever find the time, I am totally up for a sequel! Pentious and Vox have both won my heart as of recent heh, but I can't promise anything yet. I've got my hands tied with stuff right now. Hope ya guys all enjoyed and thanks for the love! Don't be afraid to lemme know what cha think. Have a good one guys. -Cheeze


End file.
